Thu, May 24, 2018

Lay It Down

Walking slowly through the apartment I feel it

Like a weight I can’t throw off

I am guilty. I am caught.

I am desperate for forgiveness

Yet I won’t simply run to Him

Throw myself at his scarred feet

And ask for the mercy I know he is ready to give

Like a child who has grown too tired to sleep

I fight against it, against the desire to relieve myself of this weight

Of this burden that bows my back

As I slowly move from room to room

Why won’t I lay it down?

Is it the “I did it again?” words that just don’t want to come out?

Is it fear that this time there will be no mercy?

So I cower like a kicked dog–dying for affection, but fearing the foot

Only I have never been kicked

I think it is just plain old stubborn pride

That forces me to carry it all on my own

That makes me handle it first

Until my grubby hands have it sticky and dirty and wrong

Why must I wait so long to seek forgiveness

I know Mercy is waiting

But here I am walking slowly through this apartment carrying my weight

I am dying to put it down

but I don’t

So I keep walking

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About Me

I don't have all of the answers and some weeks it feels like I don't have any of the answers. I forget students names sometimes and say stupid things that hurt their feelings. I often find a good word picture or object lesson and build the lesson off of that instead of the other way around. I have put the finishing touches on a Wednesday night Bible study on Wednesday more times than I can count. I don't always pray as much as I should and I never study as much as I should. I try every new youth ministry model that comes from the "experts" and I have had at least 3 mission statements over the past 5 years.

But I love students ministry. I love watching teenagers as they serve God. I love to see them worship and forget about themselves for a while. I love seeing someone wake up to the love of God if only for a little while. I love to see them out serving their community and sharing the love of Christ with others. I love to be a part of their lives and I love seeing the world through their eyes. Like I said, I'm an average youth pastor.

About Nailscars.com

For over 10 years now I have been trying to add creative ideas for use in the local church. In the early days Nailscars.com was just a place to publish some scripts, but it has become a collection of creative ministry resources for youth ministry and worship.

I began writing a blog more to process my own thoughts more than anything else. As I started writing the comments that I got back from people amazed me. As I was honest with my struggles most of them would write and say “Thank you.” “It is just nice to know someone else struggles with these same things,” was a common response.

So this has become a place where I share the struggles and successes of being in youth ministry. I hope that you find something that God can use in your life and ministry.