Lay It Down

Walking slowly through the apartment I feel it

Like a weight I can’t throw off

I am guilty. I am caught.

I am desperate for forgiveness

Yet I won’t simply run to Him

Throw myself at his scarred feet

And ask for the mercy I know he is ready to give

Like a child who has grown too tired to sleep

I fight against it, against the desire to relieve myself of this weight

Of this burden that bows my back

As I slowly move from room to room

Why won’t I lay it down?

Is it the “I did it again?” words that just don’t want to come out?

Is it fear that this time there will be no mercy?

So I cower like a kicked dog–dying for affection, but fearing the foot

Only I have never been kicked

I think it is just plain old stubborn pride

That forces me to carry it all on my own

That makes me handle it first

Until my grubby hands have it sticky and dirty and wrong

Why must I wait so long to seek forgiveness

I know Mercy is waiting

But here I am walking slowly through this apartment carrying my weight

I am dying to put it down

but I don’t

So I keep walking