Mon, April 23, 2018

Insecurities

I had a vision of asking God one question

One chance to hear directly

To know completely

To remove all of the doubt and just

Hear truth

My question wasn’t why is there evil

Or why do parents die

I didn’t care about the dinosaurs

Or why doesn’t God prove himself

My mind flew past questions of

Philosophy

Theology

Psychology

Physiology

And all of the other ologies that people have been arguing about for centuries

The question that rose up in me

Didn’t come from my mind,

But rose up from deep down on the inside

From deep dark dank hidden places

Where fears and insecurities live and fester
The question erupted from me

Tearing right past false me

Past false bravado

false macho

Even right past pride

No longer would it be silent

And wait

If God was listening

and going to answer

Then it would no longer be hidden

No longer be held-down

Made silent

Ignored

Destroyed

Repressed

Or dismissed

It had to know

And so it came

before I could stop it with other fears

Before

“I’ve got it all together” pushed back down

before

“Don’t let anyone see that you’re weak” forced it back down

it came

cause every piece of laughed at childhood had to know

all the memories of fat and slow had to know

all of the times when people had made me feel

pointless

loveless

friendless

homeless

worthless

useless

Had to know

GOD!

AM I GOOD ENOUGH

Am I doing a good job?

1 thought on “Insecurities

  1. Theresa Miller says:

    It’s not about us , we live in a fallen world, but if we allow God in , He takes our hurts and uses it for His glory . Those painful times or memories can be used to help others and grow in character. God never leaves us empty we have to allow Him access to all our heart .

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About Me

I don't have all of the answers and some weeks it feels like I don't have any of the answers. I forget students names sometimes and say stupid things that hurt their feelings. I often find a good word picture or object lesson and build the lesson off of that instead of the other way around. I have put the finishing touches on a Wednesday night Bible study on Wednesday more times than I can count. I don't always pray as much as I should and I never study as much as I should. I try every new youth ministry model that comes from the "experts" and I have had at least 3 mission statements over the past 5 years.

But I love students ministry. I love watching teenagers as they serve God. I love to see them worship and forget about themselves for a while. I love seeing someone wake up to the love of God if only for a little while. I love to see them out serving their community and sharing the love of Christ with others. I love to be a part of their lives and I love seeing the world through their eyes. Like I said, I'm an average youth pastor.

About Nailscars.com

For over 10 years now I have been trying to add creative ideas for use in the local church. In the early days Nailscars.com was just a place to publish some scripts, but it has become a collection of creative ministry resources for youth ministry and worship.

I began writing a blog more to process my own thoughts more than anything else. As I started writing the comments that I got back from people amazed me. As I was honest with my struggles most of them would write and say “Thank you.” “It is just nice to know someone else struggles with these same things,” was a common response.

So this has become a place where I share the struggles and successes of being in youth ministry. I hope that you find something that God can use in your life and ministry.